


Straight for the Heart

by Lothiriel84



Series: Happiness Inc. [3]
Category: MarsCorp (Podcast), The Bunker (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Explicit Language, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gen, I Don't Even Know, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 04:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14536776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lothiriel84/pseuds/Lothiriel84
Summary: And the world goes round and round





	Straight for the Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eruthiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eruthiel/gifts).



> With thanks to eruthiel. (Any and all remaining OOCness is still on me.)

“And then there was this little chap who kept asking weird questions about capitalism and what our old world used to be like, and honestly, I was glad when Hob shouted him out of the room. Oh – hi, David, I didn’t know you were here.”

He smiled, resolutely ignoring both the weird look on Dave’s face, and the sudden frown that creased Colin’s brow. “We were just having a drink, my new friend and I. You both know him, right? David Knight, from the Service Department – such a charming young man, he’s got some interesting stories to tell.”

“I bet he does,” Colin smirked somewhat enigmatically, as he shot a pointed glance at the figure lurking a few feet behind David, staring intently at the two cocktail glasses he was holding. “Hello, David. I haven’t seen you in ages – how are you?”

The young idiot jolted, and very nearly spilled both of his drinks. “Colin! Ah, I’m – fine, perfectly fine. Thank you for asking.”

“Yes, well,” David cut in, throwing a casual arm around his shoulders. “We’d love to stay and chat all night, but young David here was going to help me with some – calculations, for my project. We’ll see you around.”

He ushered his babbling companion through the throng of partying Martians to a marginally less crowded area, then relieved him of his own drink. “This ridiculous plan of yours is never going to work, especially if you keep stuttering like a teenage girl every time you meet your precious soulmate.”

“I’m sorry! It won’t happen again, I promise.”

“It’d better bloody well not. Now, if we really want to fool anyone, we should at least pretend to act like we’re actually – dating,” he added at length, more than a hint of scorn apparent in his tone.

“Oh,” the other blinked, as realisation dawned on him. “Of course. I, uh, do you want me to, um?”

David rolled his eyes in exasperation, then went in for what he hoped was a convincing attempt at snogging, grabbing the idiot by the front of that appalling work uniform he insisted on wearing. “That should do it,” he pointed out quite firmly, as he pulled back and took a sip of his cocktail. “We’re going to leave in a moment, make it look like I invited you back to my quarters.”

The man nodded, and downed about half of his drink in one go.

 

 

 

“David? Can I have a word with you?”

He glanced up for the fraction of a second, immediately focussed back on the paperwork he was inspecting. “What is it, Dave? I’m a bit busy at the moment.”

“Please. You’ve gone through those forms three times already.”

“Jo says she appreciates how thorough I am. Well, if you’re so keen on talking, why don’t you go and get me a cup of that sludge they insist on calling coffee?”

Dave merely stood there, looking down at him with his arms crossed. “I’m not an idiot – I know exactly what you’re up to. I advise you to stop it, before I fill Colin in with the details of your terminally stupid scheme.”

“Honestly, Dave, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he shrugged, slowly stood up. “Now, if you’ll excuse me...”

“Guys, is everything all right?” Tom chipped in, turning a vaguely uncomfortable look between the two of them. “You know that Jo is not a big fan of personal issues being discussed in the workplace.”

“There’s nothing to discuss,” David pointed out, matter-of-factly. “I don’t have any interest in your personal life, Dave, and I’ll thank you for taking the same line as far as mine is concerned.”

Dave clenched his fists and took a step forward, only to stop dead in his tracks as Tom put a warning hand on his shoulder. “How about we pop down to the canteen, you and I, and leave David to it?”

“Fine,” Dave hissed at length, shooting an icy glare in David’s general direction. He watched the two of them as they stalked out of the room, finally allowed himself a self-satisfied smirk.

 

 

 

“But you must have noticed how handsome he is! And he’s so charming, and brilliant, and everything I’ve ever dreamed of since I was a teenager.”

“Right. And I take it that you Martians don’t have a problem with a Head of Department fucking his seventeen-year-old intern, do you?”

“Sixteen-year-old, actually. Well, strictly speaking it wasn’t – we weren’t – look, I knew what I was doing, all right?”

“I’m sure you did,” he muttered, in a tone that made it quite clear he wasn’t in the slightest interested in having this conversation. “Now, if you could kindly let me finish my job – Jo isn’t precisely a patient woman, as you should know.”

“Oh. Perhaps I could help you with that? I used to be an intern for the Science Department, after all.”

“And then you ended up building a doomsday device, and got a ten-year sentence for that.”

To his credit, the man flinched only a little. “Well, yes, but that’s only because Mr Mann and the rest of the Martians couldn’t even begin to understand the significance of our work. Besides, you and your friends wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for our Door.”

“Fair enough,” he conceded, pushing half his papers towards him. “Here, you can go through those if you like. Now, if you could just shut up, that would be perfect.”

David Knight delved into the stack of paper as if it were a box of sweets, and a blissful silence fell around them once more.

 

 

 

“This is too much!” the man was shouting, as loudly as ever. “This is the Technology Department, not some sort of – well, you get what I mean. The Manual clearly specifies that any sort of inappropriate conduct in the workplace is not to be tolerated, under any circumstance.”

“Oh, you should have seen us ten years ago,” Colin grinned, unrepentant, even as his fuckbuddy looked like he desperately wished for the floor to open up and swallow him.

He could distinctly hear Hob curse softly under her breath, then she raised a hand to forestall any further complaint from the Head of Technology. “I’ve had enough of this for today. Tom, I’m afraid you’ll have to let it go, just for this once.”

“This is ridiculous. The Manual...”

“I know what the Manual says, Tom, and I just don’t care. Now, Mr Denham, if you would be so kind to keep your future liaisons to the privacy of your own quarters, that would be much appreciated.”

“Come on, where’s the fun in that?” Colin pointed out glibly, only narrowly avoiding being elbowed straight in the ribs. “But I can promise David and I will be more discreet, the next time around.”

“I’m really sorry, Miss Hob,” the idiot blurted out in his usual mix of panic and self-deprecation. “It won’t happen again, I swear.”

“That’s all right,” she acknowledged at length, her patience clearly wearing thin. “Now, if you could all go back to your jobs, that would be super. Have a productive day.”

David followed her and Jim out of the laboratory, and for the first time in ages, he was nearly tempted to start whistling a snatch of one of his favourite tunes from the old world.

 

 

 

“You bastard,” Dave growled, stepping right into his way just as he turned around the corner from his quarters. “I hope you’re happy now.”

David looked down at him, barely raised an eyebrow in response. “It’s hardly my fault that your idiot of a boyfriend seems to have a preference for much younger men. At least the boy’s not a teenager anymore, though one would think he would have learned his lesson by now.”

“Oh, stop playing innocent,” Dave shot back, quite viciously. “This is exactly what you’ve been wanting all along.”

“Well, if it’s of any consolation, there’s plenty of Martians who’d be more than happy to date you. You still look pretty good, for an old man.”

“God, I hate you,” Dave huffed, shaking his head in something between disbelief and frustration. “You’ve always been a selfish bastard, but this just takes the biscuit.”

“Duly noted. Now, if that was all...”

“Like hell it was. I’m not letting you go anywhere, until you admit to the real reason you did all this.”

He glanced down to where Dave was tugging at the front of his shirt. “You do realise I could send you flying against the nearest wall, do you?”

“You – insufferable – git,” Dave muttered as if to himself, right before yanking him down to his level and kissing him, quite forcefully at that.

“Hmm, if that’s the punishment you’re planning to administer, I suggest you might want to reconsider your options.”

“Did you even sleep with that twink?”

“What do you take me for?”

“You bastard,” Dave repeated with conviction, pulling him down for another kiss.


End file.
